"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that
but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
-- singer Mariah Carey.

Question: "If you could live forever, would you and why?"
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever,
but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest.

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the
same reactions in the brain as marijuana... The researchers also
discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember
what they are."
--Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22.

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply
with the law."
-- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations
that he failed to pay his taxes.

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important
part of your life."
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson
for a federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime
rates in the country."
-- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.

"Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be
discontinued...Reason: it has been reported to our office that you
expired on January 1, 1976."
-- Letter from the Illinois Department of Public Aid.

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history...this
century's history...We all lived in this century. I didn't live in
this century."
-- Dan Quayle, then Indiana senator and Republican vice-presidential
candidate during a news conference in which he was asked his opinion
of the Holocaust.

"Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself."
-- Chicago Rotary Club journal, "Gyrator".

"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who
make them unsafe."
-- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia.

"I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa
are vastly underpolluted."
-- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining
why we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries.

"After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal,
the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment
of David Steele to the post."
-- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington,
Rhode Island.

"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."
-- Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by
a ball in the 1934 World Series.